Rob Vanstone: Super Mario’s meteoric rise in the record book … the 33-31 coincidences … and what a buffet for Ray!

NOT EVEN REMOTELY BREAKING NEWS: Mario Alford is fast. 

Anyone who has seen him play can attest to the accuracy — and the all-too-obvious nature — of the preceding paragraph. 

But his scorching speed is also eye-popping in a statistical sense.  

On Saturday, Alford established a Roughriders all-time record for return touchdowns (six).  

He accomplished that feat by exploding for two punt-return majors in a 33-31 CFL loss to the visiting Calgary Stampeders. 

That was Alford’s 18th game as a Roughrider. On average, he has scored a return touchdown every three games since joining the Green and White.  

As a CFLer, Alford has amassed nine return TDs in only 33 regular-season games — spent with the Roughriders, Toronto Argonauts and Montreal Alouettes. 

Thanks to Saturday’s twin TDs, he has meteorically ascended into a three-way tie for sixth in league history. Here is a look at the CFL’s top eight, all-time, in terms of return touchdowns: 

#1. Henry (Gizmo) Williams: 31 TDs in 1,397 attempts over 203 regular-season games. 

#2. Bashir Levingston: 15 TDs, 442 attempts, 78 games. 

#3. Brandon Banks: 13 TDs, 524 attempts, 127 games. 

#4T. Keith Stokes: 12 TDs, 604 attempts, 88 games. 

#4T. Earl Winfield: 12 TDs, 363 attempts, 130 games. 

#6T. Mario Alford: Nine TDs, 189 attempts, 33 games. 

#6T. Jimmy Cunningham: Nine TDs, 482 attempts, 67 games. 

#6T. Chad Owens: Nine TDs, 624 attempts, 102 games. 

Compare the numbers of Alford, Cunningham and Owens and you get an idea of how the Roughriders’ returner has fast-tracked his way to nine TDs. 

Now, let’s contrast Alford’s numbers to those of Williams — the runaway all-time leader in return majors. 

Gizmo averaged one return touchdown per 45 attempts — and one score every 6.5 games. 

Levingston’s frequency is even more impressive: One TD per 29.5 attempts/5.2 games. Winfield is in the vicinity as far as attempts (one TD for every 30.3 returns). 

But Alford, who has averaged one TD per 21 attempts/3.7 games, takes big-play potential to a new extreme. 

Alford scored on three regular-season returns for Montreal before being dealt to Saskatchewan for a fifth-round draft pick on July 3, 2022. (He also scored on a kickoff return for Montreal in the 2019 playoffs.)  

After arriving in Regina, he became the first Roughrider to score a return touchdown three different ways — on a punt, kickoff and missed field goal — in a single season. 

In only 13 games with the 2022 Roughriders, he took a return to the house four times en route to being named the CFL’s Most Outstanding Special Teams Player. 

Corey Holmes, who won that award in 2002 and 2005, registered five return TDs as a Roughrider. Alford equalled and eclipsed that standard on Saturday. 

He finished the night with seven punt returns for 184 yards, including TD sprints of 94 and 67 yards. 

In so doing, Alford became only the second Roughrider to register two punt-return TDs in the same game. Curtis Mayfield accomplished that feat on Sept. 5, 1999 in a 42-17 victory over the visiting Winnipeg Blue Bombers. 

Only once before had the Roughriders cashed in on two punt returns in the same game. 

On Oct. 30, 1977, Paul Williams scored on a 77-yarder and Joey Walters followed up with a 50-yard scoring sprint in a 38-28 victory over the visiting B.C. Lions. 

Guess who happened to be at Saturday’s game? Joey Walters! 

Walters saw Alford amass the second-highest single-game punt-return yardage total in Roughriders history. 

Willis Jacox set the record of 192 on Oct. 21, 1991 in a 41-28 home-field victory over the Ottawa Rough Riders. 

On Saturday, Alford leapfrogged Holmes, who put up 181 yards in a 40-11 victory over the visiting Argonauts on Sept. 15, 2002. 

Asked about the individual accomplishments on Saturday, Alford wasn’t inclined to celebrate. 

“The ultimate goal is to win,” he said. “I do what I do but, at the end of the day, we want to win. 

“I’m still down because we lost, even though I did score two touchdowns.” 

Still … six touchdowns in only 18 games as a Roughrider? 

“It really hasn’t settled in yet,” Alford responded. “Maybe in a few days. 

“I really don’t look into the stats too much. I didn’t even know that (about the return-TDs record). I just heard it. 

“I’m just going to try to keep it going.” 

33-31 … SOUNDS FAMILIAR 

From the department of uncanny coincidences, we bring you the 33-31 losses of July 15, 2023 and Oct. 16, 1977. 

In both games, played at the Roughriders’ home stadium, Saskatchewan’s starting quarterback was sidelined by a significant knee injury. 

Nearly 46 years ago against Edmonton, Ron Lancaster was felled during the third quarter at Taylor Field. 

Cue the deployment of understudy Eric Guthrie, at a time when Saskatchewan trailed 23-11 with 23 minutes left in the game. 

Only 2:49 remained in the fourth quarter when Steve Molnar scored on a three-yard run to complete a Guthrie-led, 91-yard TD drive. Bob Macoritti’s convert reduced Edmonton’s lead to 33-28. 

On the Roughriders’ next possession, they advanced to Edmonton’s 44-yard line before stalling. 

It was nonetheless a commendable effort by Guthrie, who came in cold and turned what seemed to be a lost-cause into a down-to-the-wire thriller. 

His favourite target (and that of Lancaster) on the day was Steve Mazurak, who caught six passes for 150 yards.  

Mazurak watched from Mosaic Stadium’s alumni lounge on Saturday as Mason Fine replaced Roughriders starting quarterback Trevor Harris, who left the game with a tibial plateau fracture of his right knee six minutes into the fourth quarter. 

Calgary’s lead soon increased to 27-17 before Fine took a page out of the Eric Guthrie playbook and began chipping away at a double-digit deficit. 

In the space of 123 seconds, Fine threw touchdown passes to Jamal Morrow (six yards) and Tevin Jones (69 yards on a third-and-24 Hail Mary).  

The latter major, punctuated by a Brett Lauther convert, gave Saskatchewan a 31-30 lead with 42 seconds remaining. 

Calgary proceeded to march into position for Rene Parades’ 50-yard, game-winning field goal. 

Next up for the Roughriders: A July 22 road game against B.C. 

Next up for the Roughriders following the 33-31 loss to Edmonton: Also the Lions, who visited Taylor Field on Oct. 30, 1977. 

Starting in place of Lancaster, Guthrie threw for 232 yards — 115 of which were compiled by Mazurak on four catches. 

Guthrie also found Walters three times for 72 yards, the highlight being a 34-yard TD connection. 

Later, Walters took off on the aforementioned 50-yard punt-return TD, which followed the 77-yard sprint by Williams. 

All of that brings us back, full circle, to Mario Alford and the two punt-return TDs he scored on Saturday. 

SHORT SNORTS 

•  Key blocks on the first Alford touchdown: Amari Henderson and Nelson Lokombo at the start; Jaxon Ford near the end of the 67-yard sprint.
•  Key blocks on the second Alford touchdown: Henderson, Tevin Jones, Derrick Moncrief, Lukas Ruoss and A.J. Allen.
• Key block on the touchdown reception by Morrow: Kendall Watson, who impeded Branden Dozier and helped to create a clear path to the end zone.
• Jones has 21 receptions for 340 yards in four games this season. If he continues to produce at that pace over the remaining 13 contests, he will finish with 89 receptions and 1,445 yards.
• Class act: Stampeders defensive back Titus Wall, who made a point of extending his best wishes to Harris before the injured quarterback was taken to the locker room on a cart.
• The quote-of-the-day award goes to legendary Roughriders receiver Ray Elgaard, who was interviewed by Brit Dort during TSN’s telecast. Asked what had excited him in the first half, Elgaard replied: “What excited me today was I was in the buffet and it was all-you-can-eat, so that was cool.”