Ron Lancaster always appreciated a good line.
Not just the one that provided him with reliable pass protection.
Not just the one that cleared holes for a fellow Canadian Football League legend — fullback George Reed — and other ball-carriers.
In this context, we’re reminiscing about the one-liners that made The Little General’s repartee so entertaining.
Consider one comedic quote from July of 2006, when he visited Regina for a 40th-anniversary reunion of the Saskatchewan Roughriders’ first Grey Cup championship team.
While holding court with reporters, Lancaster lightheartedly lamented the fact that the Green and White had not won more than one title over his 16 seasons as the team’s quarterback.
“They said there were all these seasons in Saskatchewan,” he began. “The wind blew in the winter, the spring and the summer, and Lancaster would blow playoff games in the fall.”
So here we are in the spring, at long last, with a couple of comedy events looming..
The Saskatchewan Roughrider Foundation’s Punchline Comedy Night is to be held Friday in Saskatoon and Saturday in Regina.
All proceeds from both events will go toward supporting youth mental wellness in the province through the Win With Wellness player presentation series.
Comedians Julie Kim and Pete Zedlacher are to perform both nights, when Roughriders quarterback Trevor Harris will be among the special guests.
Harris demonstrated his own dry sense of humour back in February, during an interview with Riderville.com.
“True story: I tried to quit football in high school and play golf,” Harris said. “I went home from my freshman year one day and I was like, ‘Mom, I’m quitting school because I love to golf.’
“She paid me 50 bucks to play football that year and I thought, ‘Man, this is sweet. I can buy Chinese food for a whole week.’ ”
The Roughriders could have used some fortune cookies on Nov. 24, 1951, when they lost 21-14 to Ottawa in the 39th Grey Cup game.
Upon returning to Regina via train, the Roughriders were saluted by an overflow crowd exceeding 5,000 at Exhibition Stadium.
“Don’t feel too badly if you had a little trouble with Ottawa,” Saskatchewan Premier Tommy Douglas told the team, consolingly. “I’ve had some trouble with Ottawa myself.”
The Roughriders of 1959 had trouble with everyone, as evidenced by a 1-15 record.
With uncanny prescience, then-head coach George Terlep offered up this gem during training camp: “Maybe I should have listened to my old man when he suggested I take up accordion playing.”
The Roughriders had one win at the eight-game mark in 1984 when Regina Leader-Post legend Bob Hughes noted that quarterback Joe Paopao
“is close to considering having his sweater number unlisted.”
Noted for a quick and acerbic wit, Hughes in fine form when long-time Roughriders trainer Sandy Archer was roasted on May 17, 1978.
“It takes him so long to get to injured players on the field that they sometimes recover from their injuries before he gets there,” Hughes told those who attended the Don Powell Memorial Sports Celebrity Roast.
Lancaster, the master of ceremonies, also seized the opportunity to fire a few figurative arrows at Archer.
“Sandy used to play Spin the Bottle when he was a teenager, and the deal was that if the bottle pointed to someone you didn’t want to kiss, you had to give the person 25 cents,” the Roughriders’ No. 23 said, as reported by the L-P. “Well, Sandy paid for his parents’ home by the time he was 15.”
There were times, of course, when Lancaster was the butt of a joke.
In the mid-1960s, for example, tight end Jim Worden jokingly referenced the frequency with which Lancaster’s passes were directed toward Hugh Campbell.
“(Worden) said my favourite song was ‘I Only Have Eyes for Hugh,’ ” The Little General recalled in a 2006 interview with this scribbler.
Only six quarterbacks in CFL history have thrown for more yards in a career than Lancaster. One member of that select sextet — Kevin Glenn — was, like Lancaster, an all-time quote machine.
In 2015, for example, a reporter asked Glenn what it was like to be out of the lineup for six weeks.
“It’s like dog years,” he responded, “and it felt like a month and a half.”
Members of the Edmonton football team were dogged by a 32-21 loss to Saskatchewan in the 1989 West Division final.
Edmonton had established an enduring CFL record for regular-season victories (16), but nonetheless fell to the 9-9 Roughriders at Commonwealth Stadium.
“I never wanted to be part of the biggest choke in CFL history,’’ veteran Edmonton offensive lineman Hector Pothier told Cam Cole of the Edmonton Journal in a morgue-like locker room. “But we knew if we lost this game, that’s what it would be.
“Someone said a minute ago, ‘You’ll feel better in a week, knowing you were 16-and-2 this season.’ I said, ‘That makes it worse.’
“I’m going to hear about it every day. Every day at work, every hockey game I go to, it’s going to be in my face. I may have to buy a toupee and shave my beard.”
Patrons of Punchline Comedy Night will be asked toupee $60 per ticket for yuk-fests that are to be held Friday (at Remai Modern) and Saturday (Queensbury, Centre, REAL District).
To order tickets, visit https://www.riderville.com/punchline-saskatoon/ or https://www.riderville.com/punchline-regina/.
Alternatively, prospective ticket-buyers can call 1-888-474-3377.
Which reminds us of a telephone call that was placed on Nov. 28, 1976 …
At halftime of the 64th Grey Cup game, between Saskatchewan and Ottawa, the phone rang at the Lancaster residence on Emerald Park Road in Regina.
“A guy had called after the first quarter when the Riders were trailing 10-0,” Ron Lancaster Jr. recalled 32 years later. “The guy said, ‘Your dad is a terrible football player.’
“Suddenly, the offence got going in the second quarter and the guy phoned back and said, ‘I take back what I said.’
“Then it was back to the potato chips and onion dip …”
